In Mimi’s Brain #2

Hi Darlings, Happy Sunday!

Here’s another episode of In Mimi’s Brain, not a lot of people read the previous one but it helped me a lot so I decided to keep doing it.

June 30th

I’m a bit sad and the whole point of “In Mimi’s Head” was to create a space for myself to let my words flow in to free myself from them so not everything is going to be positive and not everything is going to be uplifting.

This is very hard for me to talk about because it makes me very vulnerable but very few people read this post last week so it’s not like a lot of people will anyway.

That being said, I’m sad because my sister took my measurements today and I haven’t lost as much as I thought I would. With a bulimic past, I have to be careful of these thoughts that’s why I’m putting them out there.

In the past I tried to beat myself up when I didn’t lose enough but this time I’m not, I’m just sad. Like, I know it was my birthday this month and I was a bit slack with my diet that week and I have lost some, so it’s not all crap but yeah, I still feel like I want to cry.

I’m trying to remind myself that this is not why I do all of this and my worth is not defined by that and I know, I KNOW is not but all the rational thoughts and things I’ve learned in the past few years can’t help me to feel less sad.

July 1st

I was soooo busy today. The new Dior Collection came out and my former boss called me to the store I used to work so I could play with it (shameless I know) so I ended up hanging out there for the entire afternoon.

I literally can’t pick a better place to spend time in than a beauty store, honestly. Got my eyebrows done and played with makeup. It was glorious!

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At night I had the birthday of one of my sister and I’s friend. We have known each other since 2000. We don’t see each other enough, to be honest, but every time we hang out is like no time has passed.

Do you have friends that you have known pretty much your entire life? My sister is three years younger than me and the birthday girl literally though her how to ride a bike.

July 2nd

If you don’t know, I deal with depression, I had it for almost 15 years on and off.

I really don’t like to talk about it but today I had an episode.

It’s a bone-deep heaviness that usually lasts 24h where I don’t want to do anything but reading. I was able to shake it a bit but yeah. It wasn’t great.

July 4th

Yesterday I went to my high school reunion. I had so much fun! I didn’t have the best high school experience and I’ve made a lot of mistakes friends wise. I really wish I had done things differently back then so I’m glad I was able to rectify that yesterday.

I was a very different person 6 years ago, I used to be very insicure and I’ve let the wrong people influence me, they filled my mind with their opinions and I was too naive and fragile to respond to them.

Thank god they aren’t in my life anymore and as I’ve said before I’m really proud of the woman I am now so I was happy to show my high school friends that.

Overall I had an incredible time and I happy I went!

But yeah, today my brain is a bit stuffed. I keep thinking about those years and the pain I went through. And it’s not even just growing up, which is painful as is, I was also living with undiagnosed depression.

So I remember feeling so lonely and weird like I couldn’t understand why I didn’t have the strength to do things and always felt unmotivated.

That being said, I decided to treat myself to two sports bras. I’ve been working out for two months and I thought I deserved the treat.

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Ok, that’s everything I have for you this week, let me know what you think of this format and what you think of what’s in my brain.

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Love,

Mimi